What a fuckin' day. One of my interviews got rescheduled. The shared outlet I'm leeching power from right now was on the fritz for longer than a bit, so what little cold food I had is now questionable at best. My dog and I were hella uncomfortable, as it was stupid hot out and the AC unit wasn't working, we were just sprawled out naked on the bed, getting up for drinks of cold water now and again. Bleh.

Found a food shelf that was open during hours I could get to but, as luck would have it, had no cash for cab fare and it was well outside of the bus routes. I put a random call for help and a member of this amazing community sorted me out with cab fare and now I've got something to eat that isn't instant ramen noodles. For the first time in weeks. Thank you!

After my stay in the hospital I cut off my family. They were toxic and have been my entire life. I was meant to walk on eggshells while forgoing my own well-being, mental and emotional and otherwise, for nearly my entire life. I look at my young adult children living their best and authentic lives and I'm impressed. That just simply was not an option for me.

Add to that the overwhelming obligation thrusted on my back to be the "caregiver" and "elder" member of the extended family - a family from which I never felt real and true and authentic love - and it was just a scenario where I was never comfortable or allowed to be me.

In the process of trying to keep the peace, I systematically severed ties with nearly everyone in my life, outside of my family, that ever showed up for me or supported me or loved me.

And it wasn't until I found myself in my mental health crisis that I was able to see all of this for what it truly was and is and would surely continue to remain.

All of this to say. After the day I had, I am beyond grateful tonight.